Monday, March 03, 2008

RWP: Pantoum



These pictures of ice on the car windshields were taken last week. Winter's not done yet! (Click 'em!)

ICE PANTOUM


Ice is braided against the air,
curled and roped like the girl's long hair
bright as frost,
in the hands of the boy who could take a dare.

Curled and roped like the girl;s long hair
are the roads that might take them anywhere.
The hands of the boy who could take a dare
are strong and fierce.

But the roads that might take them anywhere
are not straight but forbidden,
and strong and fierce
is the face of the sun, that won't let go.

Not straight, but forbidden,
they go nowhere. The day is cold.
The sun that lies, that won't let go,
turns the ice to a vapor that fogs the air.

They go nowhere. The day is cold.
The girl is gone. The sun is bold,
turns the ice to a vapor that fogs the air
in the hands of the boy who could take a dare.


(Egad this was HARD. But I tried. It's been a long time since I tried to conform--to patterns. I don't even know if this is close to what it's supposed to be. Non-conformist that I am. It's hard to find lines to repeat that hold up and to have the piece as a whole make sense. This was really HARD!)
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20 comments:

rebecca said...

it might have been hard pepek, but my goodness the outcome was EXCELLENT! i always find that when we push ourselves to go over and beyond is when we tap into our best...

loved the repetions and the passion behind it....absolutely loved it....

Rethabile said...

Yeah, it was surely hard. But look what it turned into!

Yasmeen Christian said...

Very Nice ;-)

Linda Jacobs said...

Absolutely worth the hard work! And it even rhymes! That makes it doubly difficult!

Paul Bunyan said...

Cool frost pattern. It reminds me of that artist (don't remember his name) that would do alien kind of looking paintings. They were often in some science mag you and dad subscribed to back in the day. If think he also did a painting for the Dead Kennedy's album Frankenchrist.

Did you let the sun melt it away or did you scrape it off?

pepektheassassin said...

Even though it was cold, the sun melted it away pretty fast. I'm glad I took the pictures when I did.

Are you thinking about OMNI? That was a GREAT magazine!

pepektheassassin said...

Even though it was cold, the sun melted it away pretty fast. I'm glad I took the pictures when I did.

Are you thinking about OMNI? That was a GREAT magazine!

paisley said...

well i think you did a fine job... you kept the rhyme nicely coordinated and the round about of the story rings thru... i value the time and effort i know you put into trying it... excellent

Christine said...

I love everything about this poem! I didn't even bother with rhyme...

I really liked the line breaks - it helps avoid monotony, a droning sound that a pantoum could create.

I like the metaphor of road here too.

When I saw the first photo, I thought it was a forest. Funny how the brain interprets visual input.

ren.kat said...

Hard work does pay off!

anthonynorth said...

Now that was clever. Worth the effort.

totomai said...

it may be hard but you did it well. im non-conformist too when it comes to poetry hehe

the rhymes are refreshing to read too

ren.kat said...

I'm leaving this here in case you don't get back to my blog - and thanks for looking around there!

Nonce is simply a term for a poem that follows a unique pattern (for that poem). A rhyme-scheme for example, a recurring word or phrase, pattern of alliteration, etc.

It isn't a form in itself.

As for facebook. I don't get it, really. All the poking (my mama taught me that was rude), hugging and karma. . . but it is a way to keep in touch with people you could easily lose track of. In my case poets I have met but have no occasion to email. Handy networking. AND I promote Babel Fruit and get announcements from other journals. You don't HAVE to play.

pepektheassassin said...

I wasn't complaining. I LIKE being asked to play! :D

slickdpdx said...

Cool shots!

Tammy said...

I love form poetry and you rocked this. Brrrr!

I'm back but taking it slow. :)

XXOO

Jo said...

You did a superb job....I can't write to rules at all (except tiny haikus) so my hat is off to you.

Mad Kane said...

I like that!

Beloved Dreamer said...

Wow is all I can say. My old free verse self could never do that. I think you did a great job and wrote a very good Poem.


-bd

AscenderRisesAbove said...

those are very cool! I thought this was some alaska photos...nope! very cool

ascenderrisesabove.com/wordpress