Thursday, October 19, 2006

Poetry Thursday: Poems You May Want to Avoid


The internet offers (free) customized poems for every occasion, "a special way to send your love." There are poems for birthdays, weddings, divorces, illness, funerals, wakes, poems for jilted lovers, policemen, global warming. There is one called "Raping Me Was Fun for Him," and another called "You Did Not Merely Die, but You Were Murdered." Whatever. They will say it for you! Here's my favorite, an acrostic, no less:

Thank You For the Favor of Your Seed

Thank you for the favor of your seed,
Half my child, who will be mine alone,
A part of you dispassionately sown,
Nor have I of you any other need.
Kindness is your only motivation,
Yet in this act you're being more than kind,
Opening a window to the wind,
Unloosing to my heart half your creation.

(I thought sperm donors were supposed to be anonymous!? --unless you're Melissa Ethridge and David Crosby. Or some weird doctor...but those are material for other poems, I guess. Maybe: Your Kidney Ailment Made You Find Your Father. Not to make light of serious situations, murder, rape, etc. Just that maybe these are poems you might want to avoid....)

17 comments:

madd said...

Oh my Gawd!!! way too funny, thanks for sharing this one..lol..m

Anonymous said...

Is this the kind of thing on Hallmark's Shelves these days? also lol. . .

pepektheassassin said...

Yeah...I particularly want to avoid the line about seeds "so dispassionately sown." Makes me think of a cup, a hand, and a porno magazine....

Welcome to PT, ren, and thanks, madd.

Anonymous said...

Horrifying. Absolutely horrifying! I could never imagine sending this drivel for any reason! Thank you for posting a warning sign for me.

desert rat said...

Good god, the concept of "a poem for every occasion" takes on a whole new (creepy) meaning. Where on earth do you find those things? No wait, never mind; I don't think I want to know.

Anonymous said...

the rape and murder ones are too creepy to ponder...But..not in this context..but the last two lines aren't that bad...are they?...

Nienke Hinton said...

Well, I suppose a poet grateful of seed needs to express herself, no?
Great post Pepek!
BTW, I'd LOVE to be your NaNo buddy. My user name is Nienke, yours?

pepektheassassin said...

Pepek the Assassin.

Anonymous said...

This is So funny!

pepektheassassin said...

nienke, well, okay then! chief, are you doing NaNo?

Maya's Granny said...

This is unbelievable. Do you suppose they have one for when your country is invaded or when you get leprosy?

Thank you for visiting me.

pepektheassassin said...

If they don't have one, he says he'll write one! Upon Hearing of the Pillaging of Your Homeland, and Regarding Your Leprosy: Too Bad.

Or something.

Anonymous said...

Yes!!! :)

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