INANIMATE THINGS
If you and I were inanimate things
to shine on after we are gone,
made suddenly vivid in a world of lucid dreams
(like stars in the quiet sleep of concrete), it seems
as if then, we -- the two of us-- are drawn
like stones, like comets, like all inanimate things
too soon made bright in fire, burnt offerings
still smoldering: our lives together stillborn and withdrawn
come suddenly vivid in a world of lucid dreams.
We listen, motionless, passive in our subtle schemes,
(like monk Merton, spending his life in stillness, whereupon
he learned the value of inanimate things).
We should be more serious about our mutterings
and such, of linens, needles, pins. And yet we've forged a bond
between us, muffling the silence of such inanimate things--
soundproofed walls! 'Quiet satisfies the soul,' and deep sleep sings,
and you and I, intimate, like stars and suns, like dark and dawn,
I and you are vigilant about inanimate things
like us, made suddenly vivid in a world of lucid dreams.
(Thanks to Megan, for"If you and I were inanimate things," to Michelle at another planet for "to shine on aftrer you are gone," and to moonmaid, for "suddenly vivid in a world of lucid dreams."
Sorry I don't know how to make links to the three of you! :(
The quote 'Quiet satisfies the soul' is attributed to Thomas Merton.)
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14 comments:
super poem.
exqusite in it's composition.
the emotion is rich.
All great lines, and I really like what you did with them. There's a wonderful flow to it all, a rhythm that carries you along.
What I get from your poem is the sense that too much quietness is a bad thing. That togetherness requires talking about the inanimate things.
The words are sheer beauty. I loved it for trhe weighty feeling induced there.
and entirely off-topic:
Do you have your own email addy now? Shall I ether out to Mr. Marv?
What a great villanelle! I think the key to writing a good one is to pick a good line or two to make it work, and you've certainly done that here.
Very nice!
Yay! Good choice of form for well-chosen lines + hard work = good poem.
This is lovely and interesting, an inward journey. I especially like the line "Quiet satisfies the soul."
powerful words, Joyce. I didn't do the prompt this week (I ignored it and did what i wanted to do) but now reading yours and some of the other results of borrowing-lines, I'm inspired.
I used your line to write a poem for poetry Thursday. :)
I'm still working on it but it's posted anyway... Thanks!!
Very engaging read. Thank you.
i haven't heard the song of deep sleep in a long time!!
Wendy, it goes ZZZZzzzzzzzzz, ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz, ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz....
"In the quiet sleep of concrete" This poem read beautifully. Thank you.
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