I've just recently returned from visiting with my best friend, whose husband has passed away, whose life is at loose ends. It's an enormous change, a letting go (when you don't want to let go). One of my favorite writers, an anthropologist/poet named Loren Eiseley, once wrote of that point which occurs sometime in everyone's life, when "the kaleidoscope through which we look at life shifts" and nothing ever after looks the same. She has known this shift and letting go before (as we all have, and probably will again). She said then, "The nights are worst. I'm so filled up with a hurt that won't go away."
I think hurts like this don't go away. They become scars. There was a time when men wore their battle scars with pride. These scars demonstrated the fact that while they may have been sorely wounded, they were survivors, and they had not merely survived, but had, as William Faulkner said of heroes, ENDURED.
While I was surfing around the blogs tonight, I came across something written by V-Grrrl in the Middle, the day after Christmas, something I think is profound, something I would like to share with my best friend: "I want to dwell in possibility and see my life and my self as works in progress. I don't want anyone to chart a course for me. I want to travel through life without an itinerary. At this stage in my journey, I need to believe that I'm not done surprising myself, discovering new interests and talents, making new friends, embracing challenges, and finding new sources of wisdom and strength."
So, KK, this one's for you. I *heart* you, scars and all. You (and all the rest of us) are works in progress, and are never done surprising ourselves!
Thank you, V-Grrrl.
*
21 comments:
The quote is perfect, there is always another bend in the road, something new up ahead. I believe that once our grieving is done, we are left with scars and memories. One hurts, from time to time, the other heals. We become stronger and keep moving forward.
But until we reach that point, the pain is huge. My heart goes out to your friend.
I'm honored my words resonated with you, and I hope they might bring a sliver of comfort or inspiration to your friend in her dark hours.
Thank you for sharing them here. Peace to you and yours.
I think those words very good, thanks for sharing them here
Lovely words and a beautiful piece.
i feel that the difference between "hurts" and "scars",,, is that hurts "victimize" us,, where as scars we undertake consciously... that may very well be why soldiers can wear their scars proudly,, and hurts attack in the dark of night.....just a thought....
I need to repeat this to myself, time and time again...if we dont reinvent ourselves, then what purpose is life..? lovely..
I love this piece especially your last line good job
What a lovely quote.. thanks for sharing
At the crossroad
This is a wise and wonderful post - the quote from V-Grrrl and the way you rolled this into a crossroads piece is fine work! Publishable in many a magazine, I would think.
My father died recently and I am going to share this with my mum.
Thanks,
Jo
A wise and wonderful post. Grieving is a process, which will take some time. Wishing your friend love and peace.
Beautiful post. I love that quote. Hope your friend finds some peace.
I love your conclusion and I heart your friend too, scars and all.
those were healing words..and i hope your friend heals fast...
and the part about living life without an itinerary?...sounds heavenly...
Very touching... I do not know what I would do if I lost my wife. I lost my son when he was 18 years old. I don't know if I could survive that time of devastating hurt again.
Net graphic image... ;)
BTW, the poem is called "The Road Not Taken."
we are all works in progress and life is richer for remembering that, thanks for the reminder
Beautiful quote! I so hope that peace is found, Thank YOU for telling!
Very Touching. Thanks for this.
Thank you, each and all, for your good words, and for stopping by. I haven't got to all of yours, yet, but I will!
That was wonderful. Just wonderful.
From the land of surviving, of journeying, and of scars worn proudly...
I heart you too, Pepek.
And mine goes out to her in her loss.
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